Peter Cushing Lives in Whitstable

You may have seen Alan Davies, the comedian, on QI with Stephen Fry, quoting from a song about Whitstable.

Alan Davies, as you probably know, is the stand-up comedian and actor most famous for his part in Jonathan Creek.

What you may not know is that his first gig was at the Whitstable Labour Club.

It must have been here that he heard the song, “Peter Cushing Lives in Whitstable” by the Jellybottys, which he quoted on QI.

Here are the lyrics, as I remember them:

“Peter Cushing lives in Whitstable,

You can see him on his bicycle,

He goes shopping for his vegetables,

Arrrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!!!”

That “arrrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!!” was meant to be the scream of terror that Peter Cushing would certainly arouse by his very presence, being, as he was, the master of suspense and mystery in many of the Hammer Horror movies. Even seeing him on a bicycle would inevitably cause such a reaction. Such, at least, was the implication.

It wasn’t true of course. Far from being a figure of horror, in real life Peter Cushing was the model of polite charm and decency. A proper old-fashioned gentleman. You would, indeed, see him on his bicycle, and if you greeted him you were always sure of a courteous reply.

The Jellybottys were virtually the resident band at the Labour Club for a while. Unfortunately, they were a one-hit wonder. I mean: they used to do a set, including some romantic numbers, but no one was really interested. All anybody ever wanted to hear was that one song. It was their star-turn.

Why were they called the Jellybottys, you ask? ‘Cos they made your bottom wobble. When they played the Peter Cushing song everybody got up to dance.

An odd postscript to all of this was the time I went to Stornoway in the Outer Hebrides. It’s a long way: about as far from Whitstable as you can go without falling into the Atlantic. Someone asked where I came from, so I told them.

"Whitstable," I said.

The response was immediate.

“Peter Cushing lives in Whitstable,” sang my enquirer, enthusiastically.

He knew all the words.

The explanation was simple. Deake, a member of the band, and the writer of the song, had been in Stornoway for a wedding not long before, and had sung the song to the assembled company. It had become as almost as famous in that wild and stormy outpost of the British Isles as it had previously been in our own snug little town.

Which only goes to show that you can’t keep a good song down.